mynamesearn

Let’s talk about a little cocktail I like to call obsession, ADHD, and the search for validation. If you’re like me and have ever found yourself spiraling into a daydream about someone just because they smiled at you or said something nice, then welcome to the club. Pull up a chair, this one’s for us.

The ADHD Obsession Spiral

Here’s the thing about ADHD: it makes everything feel big. Like, the smallest hint of interest from someone can send me into a mental rom-com montage. One minute, a guy compliments my shoes, and the next, I’m mentally planning what our first dog’s name will be. It’s like my brain hits the gas pedal before I even know where the road is going.

It doesn’t help that ADHD also comes with this lovely little side effect: hyperfocus. When I get fixated on someone, it’s like my entire brain goes, “Yes, this is the person. He’s The One.” Forget logic, forget context, all I see are possibilities. He’s cute? He’s nice? He laughed at my joke? Game over, I’m obsessed. And don’t even get me started on the daydreaming. I’ll have imagined a whole relationship before the poor guy even remembers my name.

Chasing Validation

A lot of this obsession comes from a need for validation. It’s not even about the guy most of the time, it’s about how he made me feel in that fleeting moment of attention. Did he compliment me? Did he make me laugh? Did he text me back within five minutes? Great, now my brain’s convinced he’s my soulmate.

But that validation is a trap. Because when you’re chasing it, you’re not really seeing the person for who they are. You’re just projecting all these hopes and dreams onto someone who might not even be a good fit for your life. It’s like picking out a puzzle piece that almost fits but doesn’t quite click, and trying to jam it into place anyway.

Learning to Pause and Reflect

After a lot of trial and error (and, let’s be real, a lot of heartbreak songs in my notes app), I’ve learned to hit the brakes. Whenever I feel that familiar obsession creeping in, I take a step back and ask myself:

• Is this guy actually aligned with my path and my life goals?
• Or am I just carried away because he’s nice and gave me a crumb of attention?

It’s a humbling question, but it’s necessary. Because when I’m honest with myself, most of these crushes weren’t about compatibility. They were about me getting swept up in the rush of it all. Once the obsession wore off, I’d look back and think, “Wow, I really made that into a whole thing, didn’t I?”

Dealing With the Aftermath

Here’s the good news: when the obsession fades, it’s like coming up for air. I can finally see things clearly. Sure, it’s a little embarrassing to realize how carried away I got, but it’s also a relief. Because it means I’m not stuck in that endless loop of overthinking and over-feeling.

What helps is grounding myself in reality. Instead of dwelling on what could’ve been, I focus on what is. Does this person bring joy, stability, and alignment to my life? Or were they just a momentary high? And if it’s the latter, that’s okay. It’s not a failure, it’s just part of the learning process.

The Takeaway

The biggest lesson I’ve learned is that real love isn’t about chasing validation or getting lost in daydreams. It’s about finding someone who genuinely aligns with you, your values, and your goals. Someone who isn’t just nice, but also right for you in the ways that matter.

So, here’s to me, the girl who used to get carried away by every crush, and here’s to me now, learning to slow down and ask the hard questions. Am I still a hopeless romantic? Absolutely. But now, I’m a little more grounded, a little more self-aware, and a lot more focused on what truly matters.

And if you’re out there navigating the ADHD-obsession spiral too, just know this: it’s okay to feel deeply, but don’t lose yourself in the process. You’re more than someone else’s attention. You’re worthy all on your own.

Catch you in the next one, dreamers.

If you’d rather listen than read, I’ve got you covered—check out the AI-powered podcast version to break it all down for you! 🎙️