mynamesearn

Girl, we need to talk. People-pleasing, yeah, I’m dragging myself into this convo too. Look, I’ve been that person, and let’s face it, a part of me will probably always want to make everyone happy. But here’s the thing: we’re not here to run ourselves ragged just to keep the peace. Awareness is step one, right?

Let’s dive into the exhausting life of a people-pleaser, especially if you’re also an overthinking queen. Like, why am I out here breaking my back for people who don’t even notice, let alone appreciate it? Whether it’s romantic relationships, friendships, or even work, I’ve been the one giving and giving while they’re out here doing the bare minimum.

But things are changing, slowly. I’m learning (keyword: learning) how to hit pause on these habits. And guess what? It all starts with one magical, underrated word: NO.

The Overthinking People-Pleaser Spiral

You know the drill: someone asks you for something, and before you can even think it through, you’re already saying, “Of course, I’ll help!” Fast forward to later that night, when you’re lying in bed, replaying the whole thing like a Netflix drama. Why did I say yes? Why didn’t I just say no?

Here’s a sneak peek into my brain:

• What if they get mad if I say no?
• What if they think I’m selfish?
• What if they stop liking me?

And it doesn’t stop with favors. I’ve canceled plans I was excited about, committed to things I had zero interest in, and let people walk all over my time and energy, all because I didn’t want to rock the boat. Why do we do this to ourselves?

Why We’re Like This

Alright, let’s unpack this because it’s deeper than just wanting to be liked. People-pleasing is often tied to a fear of rejection, conflict, or not feeling good enough. We chase validation like it’s a life raft in the middle of the ocean, hoping that if we just do enough for others, we’ll feel worthy.

• Validation Feels Addictive: If people need us, we feel important. Simple as that.
• Conflict Is Scary: Saying no feels like it might blow up in our faces, so we avoid it at all costs.
• Past Conditioning: If you grew up in an environment where love felt conditional, like you had to earn it through being “good” or making others happy. It makes sense why people-pleasing feels so ingrained. But here’s the gag: that survival skill from childhood doesn’t work anymore. Instead of keeping the peace, it’s keeping you stuck.

And let me tell you, bending over backwards for people who don’t even notice? It doesn’t make them love you more. It just makes you resent them and yourself.

Boundaries Are Your Superpower

Now, let’s talk solutions because I’m not about to leave you hanging in this emotional spiral. Enter: boundaries.

Saying no? It feels impossible at first. My brain panics every single time. But every time I manage to do it, here’s what happens:

1. The world doesn’t end.
2. People don’t actually hate me.
3. I feel lighter.

Boundaries aren’t walls to keep people out, they’re fences to protect your energy. It’s not about being mean; it’s about making sure you don’t burn out. And the more you set them, the more you realize: life goes on.

People-Pleasing in Relationships

Now, let’s spill some tea about people-pleasing in relationships. Whew, this one hit me hard. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve molded myself into whatever someone else needed, only to get breadcrumbs in return.

Here’s the truth:

• If You Always Give, They’ll Always Take: People will take as much as you allow, even if they don’t mean to.
• Compromise Isn’t One-Sided: Love requires effort from both sides. If it’s just you bending and compromising, that’s not love, it’s self-sacrifice.
• You Deserve More: You’re not asking for too much; you’re just asking the wrong person.

The Takeaway

At the end of the day, here’s what I’m learning: the people who truly care about you don’t need you to be perfect or endlessly accommodating. They love you for you, not for how much you can do for them.

So, let’s stop overthinking every little interaction and start showing up for ourselves. Set those boundaries, say no when you need to, and remember: you are allowed to take up space. You are allowed to prioritize your own happiness. And if someone doesn’t like it? That’s on them, not you.

Now tell me, how are you reclaiming your power? Let’s chat in the comments because we’ve got this. xx