mynamesearn

I just watched My Old Ass on Prime Video, starring Aubrey Plaza, and it hit me with something so simple, yet so important, sometimes, you just have to be young and dumb. The movie is about a woman in her 30s who feels stuck in life, but through a series of events, she reconnects with her younger, carefree self.

Watching it made me realize that maybe I need to stop overcomplicating things and just enjoy the ride, because sometimes, that’s exactly what life needs. Maybe that’s exactly what I needed to hear right now.

Sometimes, I write things down just to remind myself of what I already know but tend to forget. This is one of those times. Life isn’t about being careful all the time. It’s about feeling, living, messing up, and figuring it out along the way. I’ve spent too much time overthinking, holding back, and letting fear take the wheel. But I don’t want to do that anymore.

I’m writing this for me, and maybe for you too, if you need to hear it. A reminder that life is meant to be lived, not just planned. That loving fully is worth it, even if it hurts later. That mistakes aren’t the end of the world. And that no matter what happens, I’ll be fine because life keeps going.

I don’t want to love carefully. I don’t want to hold back just because I’m scared of how much it could hurt later. I want to love the fuck out of you. I want to love with everything I’ve got because that’s what feels right to me right now. And if it ends in a mess, if one day I wake up and my heart feels like it’s been ripped apart, then so be it. At least I’ll know I gave it my all. At least I’ll know I didn’t waste a single second of what could have been something incredible.

I’ve spent way too much time holding my breath, waiting for the “right” moment, making sure I don’t give too much of myself away. But why? For what? To avoid pain? To avoid disappointment? That’s just part of the deal. You can’t love without the risk of hurting. You can’t have highs without the lows. It’s all connected, and if you try to skip the bad parts, you’ll end up missing out on the good ones too.

I think we forget that we’re supposed to make mistakes. We’re supposed to fall for the wrong people, say the wrong things, take the wrong turns, and feel every single part of it. That’s what life is. Not a perfect plan, not a step-by-step guide to avoiding heartbreak, but just moments, some incredible, some painful, all of them worth it.

And the thing is, no matter how much it hurts, no matter how lost I feel sometimes, I know I’ll be fine. Life moves forward. It always does. Even when it feels impossible, even when it feels like the world just stopped, it doesn’t. It goes on, and so do I. And that’s kind of beautiful, isn’t it? The fact that we can survive things we never thought we could? The fact that pain doesn’t last forever, that one day, out of nowhere, you’ll catch yourself laughing again, feeling light again, maybe even falling in love again?

So yeah. I’m gonna love hard. I’m gonna throw myself into every beautiful moment life gives me. I’m gonna be a little reckless with my heart because I’d rather feel everything than nothing at all. And if one day I get hurt, if one day I have to pick up the pieces of myself and figure out how to start over, I will. Because I’ll be fine.

That’s life. You love, you fall, you break, you heal. And then you do it all over again. And honestly? I wouldn’t have it any other way.