mynamesearn

Okay, so this one wasn’t exactly planned. It’s one of those random thoughts that just popped into my head, and I figured, why not write about it? I’ve been thinking a lot about love lately, how it looks for other people versus how it looks for me. So, here I am, sitting down to share some of those thoughts with you. 

Everyone has their own unique love story. Some people experience love in a way that’s almost like it’s out of a movie, full of those moments that make you believe in soulmates and fairy tales. But my love story? It’s different. I’ve never really been the type to dive into relationships with the typical experiences that most people have. You know, the college boyfriend who you study with, the one where you crush on each other and share everything together. I’ve never had that.

And I’m not saying it’s a good or bad thing. It just is. I’ve always found myself in relationships that have had distance involved in one way or another, long-distance relationships, or those where we had to be apart for a while. Or sometimes, it’s just casual. And that’s okay. I’ve learned to appreciate those experiences for what they are. But sometimes, I can’t help but wonder, “What would it be like to have a serious relationship when you’re young, one where you’re close to each other all the time?”

I know a lot of people have had that, the kind of relationship that feels like it’s your first real experience of love. But for me, I think I would’ve struggled to commit to that kind of thing at a young age. At that point in life, you’re still figuring yourself out. How could I love someone so much when I didn’t even know who I truly was yet? Sure, you could have fun, and you could crush on someone hard, but I don’t think it could ever be as serious as people make it out to be when you’re young. Maybe I’m wrong, but that’s how I feel.

Looking back at the relationships I’ve had, I realize most of them were intense but short-lived. I’ve had moments that felt real and deep, but they never seemed to last as long as I wanted them to. And that’s okay. Maybe I’m just someone who isn’t built for long-term love in that traditional sense. Maybe I’m afraid of commitment. Or maybe I just haven’t found the person who could make me feel like settling down is something I truly want.

Some people grow up with these ideas of love, thinking about their perfect partner or imagining a future with someone from a young age. For me, though, love has always been more about the now, the intensity of the moment rather than the future. I’ve had my fair share of passion, but it’s always been a little bit fleeting. And honestly? I’ve never minded that much. It’s taught me a lot about who I am, what I value, and what I want from relationships.

And maybe that’s just who I am. I don’t mind the casual. I don’t mind the distance. But there’s always a part of me that wonders, “What would it be like if it were different?” What would it feel like to fall deeply in love when I was still figuring things out? To experience all the things people talk about when they look back on their first love—the good and the bad. Sometimes, I think that maybe, in another life or at another time, I could’ve had that experience too.

But now, there’s something different. I have a boyfriend. And yes, we’re in a long-distance relationship right now, which is its own kind of challenge. But he’s kind of making me believe in love in a deeper way than I ever thought possible. There’s this quiet certainty when I’m with him, even though we’re miles apart, that maybe love can be more than just a fleeting moment. Maybe it can be something deeper, something that goes beyond time and distance.

For the first time, I feel like I’m starting to understand what it means to love someone truly, without worrying about how long it will last. It’s not about the future or the promises we make to each other. It’s about being with him as long as we can, appreciating every moment. I don’t care if we end up together forever or if it eventually fades. What matters is that, right now, I get to love him. And that’s enough.

It’s strange because this is a new feeling for me. For years, I kept my relationships casual, never really letting myself go all in because I wasn’t sure of what I wanted. But now, with him, it’s different. It’s not about what happens later, it’s about the here and now. And somehow, that feels even more powerful than anything I’ve ever experienced.

Looking back at everything I’ve been through, I realize I was never ready for something like this until now. Maybe I needed time to grow, to understand that love isn’t just about keeping things light or casual. It’s about allowing yourself to be vulnerable, to open your heart to someone, no matter what the future holds. I’ve learned that love is about connection, not about keeping score or worrying about how long it will last.

So, I’m not sure what the future holds when it comes to love. But I do know this: love is more than just about being with someone forever. It’s about learning, growing, and understanding who you are through each experience. And that’s a love story I’m learning to appreciate more every day.