mynamesearn

I’ve heard it too many times: “Maybe he’ll change.” Girl, no, the fuck he won’t. People don’t change unless they want to. You can’t make someone become a better version of themselves just because you think they should. Change has to come from within. If someone isn’t willing to do that work on their own, no amount of patience, love, or effort from you will magically transform them.

And honestly? I don’t think anyone should change just to fit someone else’s expectations. Personal growth is important, but it should come from within, not as a requirement to earn love or acceptance. Why should they? Why should you? There are 8.2 billion people in this world, and you’re telling me you need to mold someone into what you want? That’s crazy.

You really think you won’t find someone who just naturally matches your energy without you having to twist yourself or them into something else? In 2025, are we really still that desperate for validation? Because honestly, that’s just not a good look. Or maybe I’m wrong?

I see so many people wasting years trying to fix someone who isn’t broken, they just aren’t right for them. And it’s not just in relationships. Friendships, family, even coworkers, we do this everywhere.

We hold on, thinking that if we love someone hard enough, if we give them enough chances, if we keep forgiving and waiting, then one day they’ll become the person we need them to be. But what about the person you need to be? What about your own peace, your own growth? You can’t live your life in a constant state of “maybe one day.” You deserve more than that.

I think we should all be with someone who fits us as we are. No forcing. Just pure connection. When you meet someone who’s meant for you, it should feel easy. You don’t have to shrink yourself, quiet your opinions, or pretend to be someone you’re not. And if you’re sitting there hoping someone will change? That’s probably a sign that they aren’t the one. Why aren’t we normalizing that?

Dating should be about finding someone who already aligns with you, not trying to build them into something they’re not. There’s nothing wrong with dating a lot, taking your time, or still not having found the one yet. There’s nothing wrong with being single while you figure it out. But there is something wrong with staying in situations that drain you just because you think someone might eventually become what you need.

Relationships should be a space where both people can grow together naturally, not where you have to constantly fight to feel seen or force growth that isn’t mutual. If you’re always having to explain yourself, justify your feelings, or prove why you deserve better, then you’re not in a relationship, you’re in a battle. And you don’t have to live like that. Love isn’t supposed to be exhausting.

I’ve seen people in long-term relationships convincing themselves they’re happy when, deep down, they know they’re not. They tell themselves that the little compromises, the little sacrifices, the little moments of feeling unseen are just part of love. But no, that’s not love, that’s settling. Real love sees you, hears you, and values you from the start.

I mean, changing a bit for a better you is good, I’m not saying change is bad. But when it comes to relationships or dating, I think we should all stop thinking that love is about compromising yourself or making someone else change for you. Yes and no, of course, change is good, but you have to want to change for yourself, not just so someone will love you. That’s a big difference. If you have to compromise too much or change too much, do they really love you, or just the idea of you?

You have all the time in the world. There’s no rush. There’s no deadline. There’s no prize for settling early with the wrong person. Stop worrying about being alone and start focusing on whether the person you’re with actually makes you feel at peace. Because if they don’t? You’re wasting your time.

I know society makes us feel like we need to have it all figured out by a certain age. By 25, you should be in a serious relationship. By 30, you should be married. By 35, you should have kids. But who made these rules? Who decided that life has to be lived on a timeline? Your journey is yours. No one else’s.

Stop romanticizing potential. Stop falling in love with ideas of people instead of who they really are. If you’re constantly saying, “Well, if he just did this one thing differently, then he’d be perfect,” then he’s not perfect for you. Love isn’t a puzzle where you have to force pieces to fit. Love is knowing that the right pieces will click into place naturally.

You don’t have to force anything. The right person will come, and when they do, you won’t have to convince yourself that they’ll eventually be good for you. They’ll already be everything you need. The best relationships don’t come from waiting for someone to change. They come from two people who are already whole, already aligned, already choosing each other every single day without hesitation. That’s what you deserve. Nothing less.

There are 8.2 billion people out there. Keep that in your mind. And never, ever settle. The right person will see you, appreciate you, and love you for exactly who you are. Until then, keep choosing yourself.