mynamesearn

Maybe I’m getting older, or maybe my brain finally finished developing, whatever it is, I like it. It’s like a switch flipped in my mind, and suddenly, I see things differently. I’m more aware, more intentional, and honestly, a lot more at peace with myself.

I used to be all about “fuck around and find out.” And honestly? I think everyone should have that phase in their twenties. It’s a time to go out, explore, make mistakes, and learn from them. It’s how you figure out who you are and what you want. But at the same time, I’ve realized that while it’s an important phase, it shouldn’t define you forever. You have to know when it’s time to step out of it before it consumes you.

So today, I want to talk about my own fuck around and find out era, why my perspective on it has changed, and what I’ve learned along the way.

Looking back, I think my phase started way earlier than most. At the time, I didn’t really understand love, and the only way I knew how to feel it was through sex. I was carrying so much pain, so many unhealed wounds, and I didn’t think my life had much worth. If you’ve read my past writing, you probably know what I’ve been through.

To keep it short, I went through some really dark experiences, ones that made me feel like I was already broken beyond repair. And when you feel broken, you don’t really care what happens next, you just want to feel something, anything. So, I used sex as a way to transfer love as if that would somehow make me feel whole.

It was like I was trying to fill a bottomless pit with temporary highs, with validation from people who didn’t even really know me. At the time, I convinced myself that as long as someone wanted me, even for a moment, it meant I mattered. But deep down, I think I knew I was looking for something deeper, something that sex alone couldn’t give me.

It took time, but I eventually learned that love and sex are not the same thing. You can have sex without love, and that’s fine if that’s what you want at the time. But for me, I realized that what I truly needed wasn’t just physical closeness, it was emotional safety, trust, and the kind of love that doesn’t disappear when the night is over.

My “fuck around and find out” era was fun, though. I met so many interesting people, had great conversations, and made some amazing memories. I don’t regret any of it. There’s something liberating about being young and carefree, about saying yes to new experiences without overthinking. And for me, it doesn’t mean we didn’t have a connection. We absolutely did. I had so many good conversations, and I had fun times with them, but fuck around and find out also comes with its risks. You have to be careful and protect yourself because, believe me, I faced some consequences from it.

I wasn’t always careful, and I learned some lessons the hard way. I got an STD once, thankfully, it was just chlamydia and easily treatable. It was a wake-up call for me, honestly. I got to a point where I was done with the whole “living on the edge” thing. That’s when I realized I was a little naive or maybe I just didn’t love myself as much as I thought I did. It showed.

Back then, I enjoyed meeting people. But I didn’t know how to set boundaries. I let people in without asking if they deserved to be there. Now, almost 26, I feel like I can live my life without needing sex to feel loved. It’s crazy how much I’ve grown. When I was younger, I just lived life recklessly, not thinking about what I was putting at risk.

So, in my opinion, if you’re going to have fun, you should also be careful. Personally, I made it a habit to get tested regularly, every six months or at least once a year, I would get a full blood test and an STD test. It’s something I believe everyone should do if they’re sexually active. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying your life, but being responsible about it is just as important. Protecting yourself isn’t just about your physical health, it’s about respecting yourself enough to prioritize your well-being.

I thought I loved myself, but looking back, I don’t think I really did. I was searching for a connection, but I didn’t know how to connect with myself first. I was just chasing connection in any way I could find it. There were moments when I confused lust for love, when I built up this idea of someone in my head, only to be disappointed when the reality didn’t match.

I’d create these romanticized versions of people, hoping they’d be the answer to something I didn’t even fully understand within myself. And I didn’t see it at the time, but all the reckless choices I made were signs that I didn’t respect or value myself the way I should have.

It took a lot of reflection to understand that. It’s easy to brush things off as just having fun, but when fun starts to come at the cost of your well-being, it’s time to reassess. And that’s exactly what I did. 

Now, as I approach 26, I feel different. I’m not looking for validation through sex anymore. I know I can connect with people deeply without that. I’m setting boundaries, valuing my peace, and focusing on myself.

I just want to keep my peace. I’m not interested in dating apps or trying to find anyone. I feel like I’m in a place where I’m okay with being on my own. My recent breakup was painful, but I think it happened for a reason. He came into my life to teach me something, and in a way, he saved me.

He made me realize that I don’t need to fuck around to feel loved. It’s like life’s all about experiencing things, letting them go when they’re done, and trusting that whatever’s meant for you will find its way back to you. So, I’m not worried anymore. I’m free as a bird.

Looking back, I think a big part of why I sought external validation was because of the high that came with it. I realized I was seeking validation through attention, compliments, and flirtation. It made me feel desired, like I mattered in someone’s eyes, even if just for a moment. And if I’m being honest, I still enjoy those things. I still love a little playful banter, a well-placed compliment, the excitement of mutual attraction. But the difference now is that I no longer rely on it to feel good about myself.

I don’t need outside validation to prove my worth. I know who I am, what I bring to the table, and what kind of energy I deserve in return. I’d rather wait for someone who truly deserves my time, someone who aligns with me, who adds to my life instead of taking from it. I love myself too much to let just anyone come in and disrupt the peace I’ve worked so hard to build. And that, to me, is the real growth.

That being said, I have zero shade for the fuck around and find out phase. It’s part of dating. Go out, meet people, experience things. Figure out what you want and what you don’t. It’s through these experiences that you gain clarity about what fulfills you and what drains you, what excites you and what leaves you feeling empty. It’s a trial-and-error process that ultimately shapes your standards and expectations.

I’m that girl who had a list of deal breakers, knowing exactly what I would and wouldn’t tolerate. And honestly, I think that’s a good thing. It means you’ve taken the time to reflect on what aligns with you and what doesn’t. Get to know yourself. Don’t be afraid to explore. Just be mindful of the energy you give and receive. Not everyone is meant to uplift you; some people will drain you, and it’s okay to walk away from them. You don’t owe anyone access to your energy if it comes at the cost of your peace.

Now, I’ll be real, I’m still human. I’m not saying I won’t have sex again, of course, but I’m just not going to do it with anyone so easily anymore. That’s not my priority anymore. It’s about knowing what I deserve, setting boundaries, and making sure that any intimate experience I have aligns with my values and my peace of mind. I’m much more focused on what nourishes my soul, not just a temporary thrill.

There is so much value in dating around and learning what works for you. You get to see different types of people, different personalities, different ways of loving. You’ll learn what makes you feel safe, what excites you, and what ultimately makes you feel seen. It helps you refine your standards, so when you do find someone worth your time, you’ll know it. More importantly, you’ll know that love should feel easy, not like something you have to constantly chase or prove yourself for.

At this point, I’m just living. I’m not obsessed with whether someone loves me or not. I’m focused on my dreams, my travels, my goals. I want to see the world, experience new cultures, and build the life I’ve always imagined for myself. Life is too short to waste worrying about things that don’t really matter in the end.

Whether you’re in your “fuck around and find out” era or have moved on from it, just enjoy your journey. Be cautious, but stay open to new experiences. Life will surprise you, and sometimes, it’s the unexpected moments that teach you the most about who you are and what you’re truly capable of. But through all of it, always remember to love yourself first. No one else can do that for you. When you truly accept and appreciate who you are, everything else starts to fall into place.

And most importantly, have fun. Life’s too short to take it too seriously. Whether you’re dancing in the rain, exploring a new city, or sitting quietly with your thoughts, make sure you’re living in a way that feels true to you. Take the chances that feel right, and don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone. This is your time, so make the most of it. xx