mynamesearn

My gut is so right. I was watching The Resident, some doctor show on Netflix. The scene is a doctor and a nurse working at a charity hospital kind of place, and there’s one couple of sisters. The big sister takes the younger one to see a doctor just because her sister didn’t see a doctor for so long.

But then, the older one has this machine inside of her, like some device to help her heart work better for blood or something. I’m not really sure, but that machine needs a battery, and the battery is running out. The nurse and the doctor have to drive around to find the battery, and it goes on for a bit.

And in my mind, I thought, I think the big sister won’t die, I just had that feeling. And then it went on again, and I thought the same thing, I don’t think she’s gonna die. I’m literally watching it while thinking this. And turns out, the big sister didn’t die after all.

Turns out the machine somehow fixed her heart permanently, her heart knew how to breathe by itself. That’s so beautiful and poetic to me. The story of the sisters didn’t show that much, but I could see how they loved each other deeply.

But it’s just a show. Yeah, I know, duh. Still, I would like to think that all these small things matter the most. Even when we don’t do anything huge or gigantic, we’re still doing something. And these small moments make us who we are the most, at least in my opinion. I think that should be cherished, just being ourselves.

Like me, I’m proud of myself that my gut feeling wasn’t playing. And sometimes people ask, “Why? How do you know?” And I’m like, I don’t know, I just know. Maybe I’m a witch in the past life who got killed for telling a white guy, “You’re racist.” I don’t know. That sounds more fun, so I don’t really care much. I never think witches are the bad guys. Ever. They were just a group of girls doing their thing. And some guy was jealous because they didn’t have that. I don’t know, it’s stupid.

The problem with some guys is they’re so oppressed in their lives and don’t even know it. They don’t realize they don’t have to live like that. It’s sad, but that’s the reality for some people. I know I’m off topic a little, but yeah, I’m just gonna say it out loud, I think my gut feeling is always right. Whether or not I wanna hear it is the real question.

Of course I’ve made so many mistakes, bad choices, stupid decisions. But I don’t think it was because I didn’t know it was bad. I think I did know. I just didn’t want to admit it. I didn’t know that much about my gut before, really. But lately, I feel sharper or something. A little smarter. People who I just met, or even my old pals, have told me, “Your instincts are crazy.” Like when I tell someone something and they ask, “How do you know?” and I say back, “I just know.”

Wow, that’s so cocky of me. But I think I’ve been trying to embrace the cocky in me, in a way that’s not annoying, because I like that I’m a bit cocky like this. I know what’s up. I know myself enough to not mess with things I don’t need. And I think my gut is getting an upgrade or something. I like who I am right now. Damn, I’ve grown so much. And I like it.

Yeah, for the people reading this, embrace the cocky in you. But not in a way that makes people annoyed with you, if you know what I mean. Just appreciate who you are. What could go wrong? People don’t like when you’re being goofy? Then they’re not your people. Let it go.

What are you doing? Hiding who you are just to be liked by people who don’t even really see you? That’s a waste of time. Life’s too short to shrink yourself just so you can make other people feel comfortable. Especially when your energy was never the problem in the first place.

You’re not too much. You’re not too loud or too proud or too weird. You’re you. And if someone can’t handle that, it’s not your job to be less. They can leave. That’s not rejection, that’s redirection. That’s freedom.

So yeah, be the loud one. Be the one who laughs too hard, who says what they think, who trusts their gut, who knows who they are. You don’t owe the world a watered-down version of yourself.

I mean, you do you, boo, but you know deep down when you’re dimming your light just to fit in a place you’ve outgrown. Stop doing that. Start taking up space like you were born to.

Well, have a great day, people. I love you. xx