mynamesearn

I heard someone say this while I was watching Cold Case. The guy was talking about the public school system, how broken it is, how long it’s been broken and then he said it: “Nothing changes if nothing changes.” I don’t even know if he’s the suspect yet (fingers crossed he’s not), but I liked what he said. Because it’s true. That sentence stuck with me.

It’s one of those sentences that just feels true. Like one of those things you already knew deep down but forgot to say out loud. Because sometimes, that’s what life is. Repeating itself. Going in circles. People waiting for change while doing the exact same thing over and over.

I’ve been there. I am there, in a lot of ways. Sometimes I sit in this loop, overthinking everything, wishing things would feel different, but not doing anything to make that happen. I just keep thinking. Waiting for clarity. Waiting for a sign. Waiting for something outside of me to move. But maybe the real sign is already here. Maybe the sign is the discomfort. The stuckness. The knowing that I’ve been sitting in the same place for too long.

That line made me think about habits, too. And Atomic Habits popped into my head. I read it a while ago and parts of it stayed with me, even if I don’t remember every chapter. The message is kind of the same. If we want to change something, we need to change something. Even if it’s small. Especially if it’s small.

I think a lot of people feel like change has to be huge. Like some dramatic shift. But I don’t think that’s true. Sometimes the change can be quiet. A tiny, different decision. A different choice from what you did yesterday. Just one new move. And that alone is enough to shake something loose. Enough to create the possibility of something else.

If you don’t do anything at all, you already know what will happen. Nothing. That’s a 100 percent guarantee. But if you shift something, even just a little, now you’ve got a 50-50 chance. It might work. It might not. But at least there’s something. A new outcome becomes possible. And to me, that’s already a win.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this in my own life. About the things I keep saying I want to do, but haven’t done yet. Like moving out. I keep saying I’ll do it. I’ve been saying that for months. Years, honestly. I’ve spent so much time stuck between “Should I?” and “What if I can’t?” that I didn’t notice how long I’ve been waiting. Waiting for the right moment. The right money. The right mental state. But now, I’m starting to think that the right time doesn’t really exist. And maybe I’ve waited long enough. Maybe the only way to know is to just do it.

I want to move out in October. I’ve been scared, unsure, overthinking it like I always do. But underneath all that fear, I think there’s something even stronger. I think there’s a version of me that already knows it’s the right move. Even if I don’t know what comes next. Even if I haven’t figured it all out. I just know I need to take the step. To trust that action will bring clarity. Not the other way around. I’ve spent 26 years overthinking. Maybe this is the year I just try. Not perfectly. Not confidently. Just try.

I’m also not the best writer, but I keep doing it anyway. I post blogs like this even when they’re messy, even when I wonder if they make sense to anyone but me. Because I figure, if I write, I give myself a chance to get better. I give myself a chance to say something that might land. It’s just like what I said earlier: if I do nothing, I stay stuck. But if I write, if I share, then maybe something shifts. Maybe I will connect with someone. Or maybe I just get a little more clear inside my own mind. Either way, that’s worth something.

I think sometimes we overlook the small things we do. We don’t see them as progress because they don’t look big enough. But I want to keep reminding myself that they do matter. Those tiny choices build the life I’m moving into. That showing up, even when I don’t feel ready, is a kind of magic on its own. I know I say that a lot, on here, in my head, to my friends but it’s something I need to keep hearing. Because I get carried away sometimes. I live in the future. I spiral into the past. I forget that the only place I can actually do anything is right here. Right now. 

The present is the only place I have power. And I want to use that power gently but intentionally. I want to see what happens when I just focus on the moment in front of me and let go of everything else. That’s where things manifest. Not from wishing or waiting, but from small, consistent action. From choices. From training myself to move in a new direction. That’s how habits are made. That’s how old patterns are broken. And it’s not just about what I do, but also how I think. Because mindset matters too.

I’ve noticed my thoughts about love are shifting. The way I approach love, relationships, and even how I talk to myself, it’s changing. I used to carry a lot of fear. A lot of pressure. But now, I’m less performative. More honest. Less about proving something, and more about feeling safe and seen. That’s a huge change for me. And it’s already manifesting in how I relate to others. That’s what I mean when I say everything begins in the small. A thought becomes a pattern. A pattern becomes a way of being. And eventually, it becomes your life.

So yeah, I don’t know exactly what’s going to happen next. But I think that’s part of the process too. The not knowing. The waiting. The blooming. The trusting that something is unfolding, even if I can’t see all the pieces yet. I’m learning to find peace in that in-between space. Or at least trying to. Maybe that’s all I need to do right now. Try. Choose one different thing. Do something new. Say yes to something I’ve been putting off. Let the small moments lead the way. Nothing changes if nothing changes. And maybe I’m finally ready to change.

P.S. I just finished the Cold Case episode… and apparently, the guy who said that line was the one who did it. Of course he was. But honestly? My point still stands. Just because the line came from a fictional murderer doesn’t mean it didn’t make sense. Nothing changes if nothing changes that still hit. That still made me reflect. Sometimes the truth shows up in the weirdest ways, from the weirdest people. Even on crime shows. So yeah… thanks for the quote, I guess. Even if you were a fictional criminal.