mynamesearn

Maybe money can’t buy happiness like all the rich people say. And of course, I know money can buy happiness, it’s obvious. Don’t even try to play dumb with me, money buys the flights, the food, the freedom, the fun. If I had endless cash right now, I’d be out here swiping, traveling, booking last-minute trips just because I felt like it, getting tattoos, dressing up, eating the best food. That’s happiness too. I’m not gonna sit here and pretend it’s not.

But what I’m saying is right now, I’ve got like two million baht debt on my fucking house, plus some other debts because I’m a shopaholic who just can’t resist sometimes. And still, I swear to God, I’m probably the happiest person you’d ever meet. If you know me, you know.

Of course, I get sad. I cry, I overthink, I feel heavy sometimes, just like everybody else. But isn’t that what life is? You go through your little depressive phases, your “fuck everything” moments, and then you come back up, you realize it’s not that deep, and you move again. And maybe that’s just me, but most of the time? I’m like sunshine. If I had to compare myself to anything, I’d say I’m bright and warm and a little extra sparkle thrown in. 

And yeah, maybe that’s biased because that’s how I see myself, but why wouldn’t I see myself like that? Sometimes I’m overconfident, sometimes I feel small, but the majority of the time, my energy is light. I walk into a room and I bring that brightness. Even broke, even in debt, even when I’m stressed about money, I’m still happy. So maybe money really can’t buy happiness, maybe happiness is really about how you look at the world.

Because me? I feel rich in love. I love my circle, I love my people, I love the random strangers who become friends. I love hard, and I feel loved back. And that’s the thing, money can’t always buy that. 

Last week, I met this girl Jesse. The way it happened was so wholesome I still smile about it. She was planning to come to Thailand, scrolling through tattoo studios in Bangkok, and somehow she stumbled across my IG. That’s wild already. Then she sees I also write, I also blog, and it turns out we’re basically the same person but in different fonts. You know how rare that is? Meeting someone who feels like your twin flame in personality, in creativity, in vibe? So we met up, I took her to eat, she met my friends, and it felt like we’d known each other forever. 

And then, the more we talked, the more we realized how much we actually had in common. We both grew up in small towns. We even have these weird little habits that match up I don’t even know how to explain it, but it’s almost like we’ve been living parallel lives on opposite sides of the world. And then, out of nowhere, here we are crossing paths. That’s not something money can buy. That’s magic. And I know we’ll see each other again, because how could we not? People like that don’t just fade away.

And then there’s Kat. I met her through one of our friends because she was doing her internship in Bangkok alone, and since I live here, we linked up. And she turned out to be one of the coolest, most wholesome people I’ve ever met. She has so many stories, endless stories that I can’t even repeat because they’re hers, not mine. But sitting with her feels like reading a book you don’t want to put down. 

What I can say is that I felt close to her very fast. There’s this kind of instant trust with her, like I could lean on her if I needed to, like she’s a big sister figure. And that’s rare. Some people you know for years and never feel that way about. With Kat, it was immediate. She feels reliable, she feels grounding, and at the same time she’s so full of light and adventure. That’s love too. That’s richness too.

And this is where I think about the contrast. Because the world tells us happiness looks a certain way. People act like you can only be happy when you’ve “made it” when you’re financially stable, when you’ve got a house paid off, savings in the bank, investments lined up, no debt, no mess. But look at me. My house is in debt, my shopping addiction leaves my credit card screaming, my life is far from neat. 

And yet, I’m still happier than half the people living their so-called perfect, stable lives. Because you can have everything “figured out” on paper and still be miserable. And you can have chaos, debt, and uncertainty and still wake up feeling like the luckiest person alive. That’s the part people miss: happiness isn’t always clean, it’s not always polished. Sometimes happiness is messy.

Of course, I still need to figure my money shit out. I’m not delusional to the point of ignoring reality. Debt is real. Bills are real. But right now, in this moment, I feel that “money can’t buy happiness” thing in my bones. I feel rich without being rich. And maybe that’s also a sign that money is coming. Maybe when you live in that energy, when you actually feel abundant, money wants to find you. Maybe I’m delusional, but if being delusional feels like expecting good things, then fuck it, let me be delusional forever.

Because I still believe money can buy happiness, but not all of it. Money makes life easier. It gives you comfort, choices, and safety. But it can’t be the only source of happiness. If you rely only on money to feel good, you’re empty when it’s gone. Happiness has to come from something deeper, from love, from your people, from your mindset, from the way you see yourself in the world. That’s why I say money can’t buy happiness. It’s both yes and no at the same time.

And maybe that’s why I write the way I do. Dreamy, dramatic, a little all over the place. But that’s what makes it fun. That’s what makes it me. I don’t want to write perfectly polished essays that sound like some boring self-help book. That’s not me. I want to spill, I want to rant, I want to exaggerate a little, laugh at myself, contradict myself, and still make sense somehow. I want to feel something when I write. Even if nobody else gets it, I get it. Writing like this feels like therapy. It keeps me sane. It’s how I turn the chaos in my head into something I can hold.

So yeah. Maybe money can’t buy happiness. Or maybe it can. Or maybe it can’t buy the kind of happiness I’m talking about. Who knows. But what I do know is I feel rich right now. Rich in love, rich in connection, rich in my own light. And if money’s coming, then perfect. I’ll take it. But until then, I’ll keep being me, writing my random shit, meeting beautiful people in the most random ways, laughing too loud, loving too hard, carrying my sunshine energy into every room.

I hope you have a great day today. We’ll see each other again when I feel something.