mynamesearn

I was watching a series the other night, and there’s this one specific couple on the show that I really love. I love how their relationship goes, how they talk to each other, how they move together. I like their dynamic. And I want that.

I know it’s just a fictional show, and maybe it’s too good to be true, but then I thought, who said that if something’s too good to be true there must always be something wrong with it? Everyone says perfect isn’t real, but also… who said something has to be wrong to be realistic?

I think I’ve always carried this idea that love should feel good but still have some flaws so it doesn’t seem too perfect. Like, it has to have at least one problem or it won’t be “real.” But why? Why do we think that way? It’s not even a rule, it’s just a philosophy. And philosophy doesn’t have to be right or wrong; it just exists. What’s true for someone else doesn’t have to be true for me. And that’s okay.

So I started thinking about my own love life. And I realized, I just want love to feel easy for me. Something I can rely on if I ever get it. But I also want to know who I am outside of love to have a strong sense of self, so I don’t lose myself in it. Still, if I have you, it better be good. Because otherwise, what’s the point?

That’s just my philosophy on love. I’m not saying I’m right. But it feels right for me. I believe love should feel easy, fun, and adaptable. (This is so Libra Moon of me, I know.) And then someone always says, “You can’t just have fun all the time.” But why not? Why would I even want to be in a relationship if it doesn’t bring joy?

Of course, I know relationships have ups and downs. That’s normal. But that’s exactly why I say “adaptable.” You deal with the hard stuff, but you learn to have fun doing it not because you have to, but because you want to.

I also think love should feel a little obsessive not in a bad way, but in that exciting, I-can’t-wait-to-see-you kind of way. Maybe that’s crazy. Maybe I am a little crazy like that. But honestly, if you’re not at least a little obsessed, do you even like them? Sorry, but it’s true.

A lot of people stay in relationships out of habit or obligation. They say things like, “I feel like I have to do this,” or “I can’t leave, we’re attached.” But if you feel like you have to do something, that’s not love. And that’s fine, but you need to know when to leave. Otherwise, you’ll stay stuck questioning yourself over and over again.

People say, “Yeah, but it’s hard to break it off, we’re attached.” And I get that. It’s hard. But do you really think you deserve that? Most people convince themselves they do, and maybe that’s okay, maybe they’re just not ready to heal yet. But me? I’m done with that.

I think I deserve the best. Because first of all, I’m very hot. That should already be on top of the list. Joking, haha. Besides that, I think I’m a pretty decent human being, so I know I deserve good things in life. That’s also why I want my love life to feel like a fucking perfect story. Because why wouldn’t I?

Maybe that’s why I can spot things I don’t like and move on easily. It’s not that something’s wrong with them or with me. It’s just that we’re not for each other. And that’s okay. We can still be friends or wish each other well, but romantically, we’re not compatible.

Some people have told me before, “The things you call red flags are so small. You’re too picky. Do you want to be alone forever?” And I get where they’re coming from, but in my mind, I’m like, that’s your relationship. For me, it’s a red flag because I know what I want. I know what I deserve. So why should I lower my standards for the sake of fitting someone’s idea of “not being picky”?

I’ll never convince myself I deserve less. Why would I do that? Love is one of the few things in life that no one truly understands and that’s what makes it fun. I know people say it should be serious, but not for me. And that’s not wrong. It’s just my love story, and I want it to feel good.

Because the truth is, I love being on my own. I love my life. So if I decide to share it with someone, it better add something to it, not drain me. Why would I choose a relationship that makes me less happy than I already am alone?

That’s my whole point. I want love to be magical and special because it should be. But I think a lot of people forget we actually have free will. We get to choose our own path, but we get so stuck on what other people tell us love is supposed to be. Maybe those ideas were never even ours to begin with.

I don’t even know what this whole thing is about anymore, but maybe what I’m trying to say is this: don’t limit your thoughts or dreams just because society tells you what’s realistic. Think whatever the fuck you want. It’s your life. You get to live it however you want.

Maybe this sounds irresponsible, but I’d rather have this mindset than live a miserable life pretending to be “mature.” At least I’m not suffering through my pain, I’m having fun learning from it. Because at the end of the day, we don’t really know the point of life. And maybe that’s the point. It’s fun because we get to decide what it means for us.

And when you really understand that, everything feels possible. Even if it doesn’t happen soon, it will. Because deep down, you already know. Otherwise, why would you have that thought in the first place?

I don’t know. Maybe I’m just a dumb girl from Bangkok who talks too much. But I hope everyone’s having the best day anyway.