mynamesearn

All these news make me feel sick lately, like genuinely sick, and the only thing that seems to cheer me up is women. Scrolling through my phone, I read this comment on Instagram that said:

“Is it my child? No.
Do I want children? Also no.
Am I a mother when a child needs me? Yes.
Am I a bonobo mom when a child is in danger? Hell yes.”

And it was so beautiful. I’m so grateful every time I witness something like this and it always turns out to be from a woman.

To be honest, I’ve been stressed lately. Not like falling apart stressed, because I would never be that person, but stressed enough that all this evil shit happening in the world gets into my system. It really makes me sick. I never thought I’d feel this deeply about it, but of course, I’m human. It eventually gets to me.

The only thing that makes me feel better… is women. Women in general. Womanhood. Women’s friendships. I appreciate it so much. I feel both lucky and cursed to be a woman, lucky because women are magic, cursed because we live in a world where existing as a woman comes with danger built in.

Womanhood is such a complicated thing. It’s exhausting and beautiful at the same time. I think one of the most powerful parts of being a woman is how we always show up for each other, even when we’re tired, even when life is kicking our ass. There’s something about women that feels like home, the way we understand pain without needing a whole speech, the way we hype each other up over the smallest things.

Womanhood is sitting in the bathroom with your best friend fixing her eyeliner because she’s crying over some guy who doesn’t even deserve a seat at the same table as her. Womanhood is helping a stranger unzip her dress in the club bathroom. Womanhood is sending your friend a voice note at 2 AM saying, “You’re not crazy, he’s just stupid.” Womanhood is healing each other in ways men will literally never understand.

And sometimes womanhood is rage. Real rage. The kind you carry in your bones because you know how unsafe this world can be. The kind that makes you want to protect every woman you meet because you know exactly how scary being a woman can feel. And somehow we still manage to be loving. Still manage to have hope.

That’s why I will always choose women. I trust women’s intuition more than any man’s logic. I trust the way women look at each other when something feels off. I trust how fast women band together when someone needs help. It’s like some sacred language we all speak without saying anything.

And honestly, womanhood is the reason I’m still sane. The reason I feel understood. The reason I believe good things exist. Women make life softer. Warmer. Better.

I always put women before men, and I know it sounds biased, but be fucking for real… based on actual crime data, the majority of crimes, especially violent ones, are committed by men. Of course, I’ll prefer women, and yeah, I know it’s “not all men,” but it’s always a man, is it not? Instead of jumping to defend yourself, maybe start by actually listening.

We’re not talking about you personally, dude. We’re talking about the system. The pattern. The big picture that keeps repeating itself across every country, every generation, every woman’s life. Not everything is about you, dude. Grow the fuck up.

And honestly, the whole “not all men” thing is just a distraction. It shifts the focus away from the real issue and puts the spotlight back on men’s feelings like that’s the priority. It’s not. Women have been dealing with this shit forever and the least you can do is listen before you get defensive.

I realised a few weeks ago that I am very publicly hating men. I mean, I always knew, but my friend pointed it out, not in a judgmental way, but like, “Good, it filters out the ones who don’t care.” And honestly? I’d rather be this way than pretending.

When I was younger, validation mattered. I wouldn’t say anything too aggressive, too honest, too me. I didn’t want to upset anyone. But when you grow up? That shit doesn’t matter anymore. I’d rather speak my mind than dim my light to protect someone’s feelings.

And women… we’re always told to be patient, calm, gentle, accommodating. Tone down. Lower your voice. Be nicer. Forgive. Move on. But when a man does all those things? Suddenly, he’s a pussy? Make it make sense.

Why is it that the exact traits society forces onto women, like softness, patience, calmness, and compassion, magically become weakness the moment a man shows them? Why is basic humanity considered “feminine,” and why is “feminine” somehow an insult?

It’s because, at the root of it, a lot of men hate women. Not individually, not personally, systemically. Historically. Culturally. They’ve been taught to see anything associated with womanhood as lesser. And that’s why the moment a man cries or hesitates or shows care, he’s suddenly “weak.” He’s acting “like a girl.”

They don’t hate the action. They hate the femininity. They hate anything that reminds them of softness because softness belongs to women, and women have been treated as less for centuries. And women have spent generations forgiving, accommodating, and absorbing all of this. We’re told to swallow it. To be patient. To be polite. To understand him. To give grace.

Men can hate women openly through jokes, culture, tradition, systems and the world treats it like normal. But women raise one complaint, one boundary, one truth, and suddenly we’re “dramatic,” “angry,” “crazy,” or “too much.”

And for what? For existing. For breathing wrong in a world not built for us.

This isn’t about blaming every man on earth. It’s about calling out the system that raised them and the one that keeps hurting us, over and over, while expecting us to stay quiet, calm, and understanding. I’m done doing that. We all should be.

I also just rewatched Big Little Lies, and I love all these women-helping-women moments. I love women empowering each other. Uplifting each other. It makes me so sad when women don’t support each other and end up being mean to one another… and for what? Most of the time, it all comes back to men and patriarchy anyway.

That’s why I don’t really hate pick-me girls. They’re annoying as hell, yes, but they’re stuck in the patriarchy. They want male validation because they think that’s safety. Most of them aren’t even bad people. They’re just stuck.

And when women do something wrong, a lot of the time it’s because a man did something to her first. Do the math. This is why I fully support women who kill their own rapists. Yeah, I said it. Because what the fuck would you do if someone you love is in danger?

It’s painful that so many women go to jail for protecting their child from male predators. And yes,  it’s always a man. And if you want to know why I’m so passionate about this? Why am I getting all fired up? Talk to your female friends.

They all have stories, SA, rape, harassment. All of them. And if you’re a man reading this? Talk to your male friends too. Some men are also victims, if you don’t already know that.

This is why I choose women first.
This is why I respect women the most.
This is why I’m openly biased.

If you really want to prove you’re “one of the good ones,” don’t say it. Show it. Pay attention. Protect. Speak up. Not because you want credit, but because basic decency shouldn’t need applause. And I will start talking my shit the first time I meet you. If you don’t like it? Cool. We’re not meant to be anything anyway.

I’m not arguing with people anymore. I’m not here to change your mind. I’ll speak my truth, and you can speak yours. But I refuse to be around anyone who excuses assault, violence, or misogyny. I’d rather be friends with people who don’t rape, and who aren’t friends with rapists either. That’s the bare minimum.

And honestly? You should be like that, too. If someone is bad, stop finding excuses for them. Stop giving people chances they don’t deserve. Let them be bad somewhere else without you.

I think my whole point is this: appreciate women more if you’re not already doing it… and if you need to hate men a little more for your own sanity, then do it. Live on your own terms, not because you think someone will like you, not because you’re trying to fit into whatever version of “cool” you think men want.

If you’re a woman reading this, I hope you know how powerful you are. How needed you are. How loved you are, even on the days you forget it or pretend you don’t care. We’re so used to shrinking ourselves, brushing things off, or acting like we’re fine when we’re not. 

If you’re reading this while being a pick-me girl… babe, stop. You know deep down it’s annoying. Be yourself. Stop trying to be “one of the boys.” That’s not empowerment, that’s self-betrayal. If a man only likes you when you’re not being yourself, then he doesn’t like you at all.

And if you’re not a woman reading this, at least try to understand why I ride so hard for women. We don’t survive this world by accident. We survive it because of each other, because we lift each other, hype each other, protect each other, and remind each other who the fuck we are when the world tries to make us forget.

That’s womanhood. Period.