The concept of knowing someone you really get along with, even if it’s only for a few months, is honestly kind of insane to me. Like suddenly this person becomes part of your everyday life. You’re both so into each other. Passionately. Sexually. Romantically. Even though you never fully talk about what you are. 

But I think deep down, you both know. 

I can get very attached to someone just because we get along so well on the first date. Which honestly sounds a little crazy when I say it out loud. But when you meet someone and the conversation flows too naturally and suddenly you’re laughing like you’ve known each other forever… how am I supposed to act normal about that? 

I know it’s probably going to end anyway. And somehow I still walk right into it every single time. 

And honestly? That idea makes me really sad sometimes. 

But at the same time, it’s exciting. Thrilling. Fun. 

There’s something so intense about liking someone that much in such a short amount of time and knowing one day you probably won’t see each other again. That’s crazy to me. Beautiful, but also devastating. Why does something so temporary get to feel so real? 

I don’t know. I think I feel sad about it because this pattern keeps happening to me. Sometimes I wonder why I never really fall for people who are actually close to me or fully available to stay. Eventually they leave, or I leave. But in the end, we both leave. 

Maybe I’m more detached than I thought. 

Most serious connections in my life were never with people who were fully “mine” in the traditional sense. It always feels temporary somehow. Like we were just passing through each other’s lives at the exact right moment and then… gone. 

And honestly? Sometimes it makes me feel like maybe I’m destined to be alone. Which is dramatic, I know. Maybe the idea of that scares me more than I want to admit. 

Of course I can be alone. I know that. I’ve always survived on my own. But maybe I don’t always want to be. Maybe I want love as much as everyone else does. 

I mean, I love everything about it. The intimacy. The tension. The feeling of someone wanting to know every little thing about you. Even when I’m not the one experiencing it, I still love witnessing it. 

But maybe I want to experience it too. 

I want love in a way where I still feel whole without it. I already have love within myself, but having someone to share it with just makes life softer somehow. Warmer. 

And maybe that’s why it hurts so much when it ends. 

I hate saying goodbye to someone I feel deeply connected to. Someone I’m intensely attracted to emotionally and physically, even if it only lasted a few months. It still hurts. 

Actually, I think it hurts because it was short. 

Because there was still so much left. So much fun left. More conversations. More kisses. More nights together. More “I can’t wait to see you again.” 

It feels unfinished. Like we weren’t supposed to say goodbye yet. 

And honestly? Maybe that’s what makes temporary connections so painful. You don’t leave because the feelings disappeared. Sometimes you leave while the feelings are still very much there. 

That part destroys me a little. 

But I guess that’s life. Eventually we both move on. We meet new people. Time passes. Things fade. 

Not completely, though. 

I don’t think I’ve ever truly forgotten anyone I deeply cared about. How could I? At some point they became part of me. I experienced things with them. Sometimes for the very first time. 

Of course I’ll miss them. Of course I’ll miss the version of myself that existed with them too. 

I think every person we love leaves something behind in us. A sentence. A song. A habit. A memory attached to a place you can never fully separate from them again. 

How can I completely forget someone I once looked at with so much desire? Someone I held so closely? Someone who at one point felt like everything exciting in my life all at once? 

I can’t. And honestly, I don’t even think I want to. 

It’s just hard knowing that one day you can know someone so intimately and then never see them again. Fuck… even thinking about that makes me want to cry a little. 

I know I’ll probably be okay eventually. I always am. But I’m still sad about it. 

And no matter how much I try, I can’t really escape feeling things deeply. That’s just who I am. 

And honestly? I think part of me enjoys it too. 

Of course I like it. Someone compliments you all day, looks at you like you’re the hottest person alive, wants to spend all their time with you… who wouldn’t enjoy that? 

And I like liking people. I like waking up excited to see someone. I like thinking about them randomly during the day like an idiot. I like intimacy. I like connection. 

The ending is the hard part. 

But just because I know something might end sadly doesn’t mean the good parts weren’t real. 

So should I still enjoy it even though I know it might hurt me later? 

Honestly… I think I should. 

Because life already sucks sometimes. Not everything is going to turn out exactly how I want it to. But I don’t think I should stop living just because I know I’ll feel sad eventually. 

Maybe sadness isn’t always a bad thing. Maybe feeling sad sometimes is proof that something mattered to you. 

And maybe I need that reminder sometimes. 

A reminder that I can survive endings. 

That I can cry and still continue living afterward. 

That even after heartbreak, I’ll still wake up, make coffee, laugh at stupid things, flirt again, writing, and continue being myself. 

I always do. 

And maybe that’s the beautiful part.