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There’s Nothing Wrong with Wanting to Be Perfect (But Only If You’re Willing to Fail)
I’ve been watching Nip/Tuck on Prime the past few days. At first, I didn’t think I’d like it. It’s basically about two pathetic men doing stupid shit and spiraling and it’s way more dramatic than I expected.You’d think grown-ass 40-year-old surgeons would have some sort of maturity, but no. They’re out here acting like chaotic teenagers. The whole thing is just wild. But also… I kind of like it? There’s…
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What Is My Type? (Honestly, I Don’t Even Know)
Someone asked me recently, “What’s your type?” and I went completely blank. I said I don’t really have a type, which is true, but also not really. I think we all have some sort of type, or at least a pattern. Whether it’s in romantic relationships or friendships, there’s always something familiar in the people we gravitate toward. Something about their energy, their presence, their kindness, or maybe even their…
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Maybe I’m Not Scared After All
I saw an Instagram post about PinkPantheress winning a chess tournament today, and I thought that was so cool. And then the first thing I thought after that was, “I don’t know how to play chess,” and immediately after that, “I probably can’t do it.” But I caught myself. Why is that my default thought? Why do I always assume I can’t do something before I even try? So I…
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Nothing Changes If Nothing Changes
I heard someone say this while I was watching Cold Case. The guy was talking about the public school system, how broken it is, how long it’s been broken and then he said it: “Nothing changes if nothing changes.” I don’t even know if he’s the suspect yet (fingers crossed he’s not), but I liked what he said. Because it’s true. That sentence stuck with me. It’s one of those…
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Nothing Is Really About You (And That’s a Good Thing)
We’re living in a world where everyone thinks everything is about them. Every stare, every comment, every silence, it’s all taken personally. And I get it. It’s a human thing. We want to be liked. We want to be seen. We care, sometimes a little too much, about how we show up in people’s minds. But the truth is, most of the time, people aren’t even thinking about us. I…
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This Might Be What Self-Love Actually Looks Like
I miss writing. I miss doing this so much. I’ve been away for a few weeks now. I had surgery recently, so I’ve been resting. And thinking. A lot. I’ve also been binge-watching Cold Case on Prime Video. Like I told you before, crime stories and I are strangely intertwined. I’ve always been fascinated by them. Maybe too much, because now I can see all the patterns. And honestly, the…
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What If the People We Trust Aren’t Safe?
I’ve been binge-watching Law and Order lately. I don’t know why me and SA crime stories are so intertwined in this strange fascination. It’s not that I enjoy seeing what happens to the victims. In fact, I cry so hard for them. Sometimes I even have to pause and catch my breath. But I keep watching. And while I’m watching, something deep inside me starts to stir. I realize I’m…
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Why Do I Cry Every Time I See People in Love?
I was scrolling TikTok at lunch when I saw one of those reels of people falling in love. You know the type. Then I cried. Like I always do. But this time, while I was crying, I started laughing. Because who the fuck cries this hard just from seeing people in love? I mean, it wasn’t even about me. It was like one of those “How I Met Your Mother”…
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Maybe I Don’t Belong Anywhere (and Maybe That’s Okay)
As I was on the bike home, I started thinking about whether or not I belong anywhere at all. It’s weird. I was born in a small town, but my life has always existed somewhere between that and the city. It’s like I’m always floating between two worlds. Can I even say I’m a city girl? And if I move to the city, will I feel like I finally belong?…
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I Think I Just Need to Flirt (But It’s Also More Than That)
I think I just need to flirt. Like I seriously feel that in my body. I miss it. I miss the butterflies, the teasing, the playful back-and-forth. I haven’t talked to anyone in that way for a while now. I’ve been quiet. Maybe you’ve noticed. But I’ve been a little far away from people, from conversations, from love in general. And I don’t mean just the romantic kind. I mean…
mynamesearn
Space where I reflect on life, love, and all the quietly complicated things that make us human.
