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Love, Doubts, and the Choice Not to Have Kids
I know for a fact that I don’t want to be a mom. It’s not something I’m unsure about, and it’s not something I’m saying just for now. It’s something I’ve felt deeply and repeatedly. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love kids. In fact, I think I’ll always love kids, maybe even more than most people do. There’s something about their energy that’s so pure, so raw and unfiltered,…
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Healing, Predators, and the Fear of Dying Alone
I just watched this series on Netflix called Sirens. I didn’t expect anything, to be honest. I had just finished another show and wanted something new to fill the silence. I didn’t read the plot. I didn’t check reviews. I just hit play, thinking it was going to be some background noise. But it turned out to be one of those shows that gets under your skin in a good…
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Listening to Joy Crookes and Thinking About Life
I’m listening to Carmen, the new song by Joy Crookes. I always love her songs. There’s just something about them that gets me. They’re meaningful in a chill kind of way. In my opinion, her lyrics are just cool. They speak in a way that makes you feel things without needing to explain too much. And, like I always do when I really like an artist, I looked up her…
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I Don’t Believe in Ghosts, But I Do Believe in Energy
I don’t believe in ghosts, but I do believe in energy. Are they the same thing? Maybe in some weird way, they are. I’m not sure. But every time someone tells me a ghost story, especially the kind where a spirit is supposed to hurt us or haunt someone, I can’t help but think it’s all in their head. I used to enjoy those kinds of stories, and honestly, maybe…
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I Think My Gut Is Always Right (Even When I Don’t Listen to It)
My gut is so right. I was watching The Resident, some doctor show on Netflix. The scene is a doctor and a nurse working at a charity hospital kind of place, and there’s one couple of sisters. The big sister takes the younger one to see a doctor just because her sister didn’t see a doctor for so long. But then, the older one has this machine inside of her,…
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Don’t Care, I’m Sexy. That’s the Energy I’m On.
My phone wallpaper literally says, “don’t care plus I’m sexy,” and I feel that in my bones. Like, why care too much about what other people think when you’re literally sexy? Why waste your time worrying about shit that doesn’t matter when you could be out here being hot and enjoying your life? I’m somehow the chillest and most overthinking person all wrapped into one. It’s like I already spent…
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It Was Never Casual and Let’s Be Fucking Honest About It
So I just watched a few clips of Penn Badgley on Call Her Daddy and one line really made me pause. He said, “Is it ever casual?” And baby, that shit hit me. I’ve been spiraling in my own head about dating lately, especially now that I’m getting back into it. I’ve been asking myself what I really want right now. And yeah, part of me wants something casual. That’s…
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Nobody’s Ugly If You Really Think About It
I’ve always believed that nobody is ugly. Like, really. Because beauty is different for every single person. It lives in individual eyes. You know what I mean? That’s why I stand by it. Nobody’s ugly. There will always be someone who sees your beauty. There will always be someone who’s into you. Someone who’s down bad for you just the way you are. Just look around. Everyone has their person.…
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Who Needs Help When You Can Open a Jar?
One day, I tried to open a jar of pickles. I was just standing there in the kitchen, twisting it with all my strength. I tried for almost ten minutes. I didn’t want anyone’s help because I really believed I could do it by myself. I kept thinking, “No, I don’t need anyone. I got this.” But after a while, my hands hurt, and honestly, my pride hurt too. So,…
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Trying to Date Again (But Not Really)
I just got back on a dating app. Somehow. I’m not really sure what made me do it. Maybe I was bored. Maybe I wanted to see what was out there. Or maybe I just wanted to feel something again. But the weird part is, being on there actually makes me not want to date even more than before. I think I just think differently now. I don’t look at…
mynamesearn
Space where I reflect on life, love, and all the quietly complicated things that make us human.
