mynamesearn

I think I’m getting hotter just because I love myself and accept who I am. And I know that sounds cliché, but it’s true at least in my opinion. And honestly, I don’t even think it’s the kind of “self-love” that everyone on the internet talks about. I think my perspective on this is changing, not completely, but the way I understand it feels different now.

One day, I found a post on IG, I think from the account @prestonrack, and it said:

“Self-love isn’t about love but learning to live with yourself, even on the days you can’t love yourself. Dating yourself isn’t about falling in love with yourself. It’s about knowing yourself.”

And something about that hit me. It shifted my belief in this self-love thing a bit. I mean, I still believe self-love is loving yourself, but now I think it also connects with the idea of accepting yourself the same way you’d accept someone you love.

Because when we love someone, we’re literally learning how to deal with those one or two annoying things they do. Those little habits you don’t like but tolerate because you care. But again, you don’t have to tolerate habits that cross your boundaries or exhaust your soul; that’s a completely different story. But in general, you won’t love every single thing about someone, but if you want them in your life, you learn to live with it. Because you want to know them. You want to love them. You want to understand them.

And self-love is the same. You don’t have to love yourself the whole damn time. And I think that’s okay. You don’t have to wake up every morning feeling like a goddess. You don’t have to like every version of yourself. But you’re stuck with yourself forever, so why not at least try to understand that person? Why not learn to love them the way they are? The way you would love someone you actually care about?

And maybe you’re not perfect, but who is? I think everyone is not perfect, even the people we think are “perfect” probably don’t feel that way about themselves. We look at someone and think they have everything together, but inside their own mind they might hate things about themselves just as much as we do. No one is perfect. Not even the people you admire. So why are we holding ourselves to some impossible standard?

Because, of course, I have things about myself I hate. Habits I can’t get rid of. Patterns I fall into. Annoying things I do. But I also can’t help it sometimes. And just like how the people who love me still accept me, I should be able to accept myself too.

Sometimes, actually most of the time, we’re so harsh on ourselves in ways we would never be toward someone we love. And when someone else does the same thing, we let it slide. So why can’t we give ourselves that same? Why can’t we be like, “yeah, I’m a mess, but I’m my mess”? We have to ask ourselves: why can we accept other people but not our own damn self?

Sometimes our self-respect should matter more than what other people think. And as I get older, I think about all those times I tried so hard to please people, or didn’t speak up because I didn’t want to seem dramatic, or avoided sharing my opinions because I didn’t want to start anything. But lately I’ve been talking more, saying more, standing up more. And it feels like I’m finally choosing myself.

Anyway, back to self-love, the reason I said I think I’m getting hotter is because loving myself and accepting who I am actually makes me feel attractive. Hotness is literally energy. Confidence. The way you carry your flaws and your strengths. Like when I feel bad about my acne, I think about how I see other people with acne, and I still think they’re beautiful. So why can’t I see myself the same way? Why am I so forgiving to others and so brutal to myself? People are mirrors. They show us things about ourselves that we either see or refuse to see.

And I like learning things about myself. I like thinking deeply. That’s who I am. So when I accept myself, I’m not just accepting the pretty parts, I’m accepting the overthinker, the conceptualist (I think that’s the word… correct me if I’m wrong), the person who analyzes things too deeply because it makes my brain feel good. If that’s not your nature, then accept that too. Self-love isn’t about forcing yourself into a type of person; it’s about knowing what type of person you actually are.

I also learned to accept that I can’t stop talking when I’m around someone I click with. It’s honestly probably my love language. If I ask you random things or talk non-stop, that means I feel safe with you. I think that’s beautiful. Sometimes it annoys me. Sometimes it annoys other people. But it’s me. And I’d rather be myself than hide who I am.

If you’re a good person or a bad person, just show it. Don’t pretend. Accept who you are. And if you truly want to change, then do something about it. But in my opinion, the world needs both good and bad to balance itself. I’m not saying you should do terrible things and “accept yourself”, that’s crazy. I’m saying if you have bad habits, acknowledge them. If you’re a chaotic person, accept it. If you’re a quiet person, accept that too. Just stop pretending.

My point is: embrace yourself. Love yourself the way you are. And if you want to change something, change it, but only for you, not because other people expect it.

Maybe that’s why I feel hotter these days. Not because my face changed. Not because my body changed. But because my relationship with myself did. Because I’m actually learning to live with me, the good, the weird, the annoying, the dramatic, the anxious, the conceptual, the sentimental parts of me.